Saying Goodbye by Valerie Kurnik

As told by Valerie Kurnik about the death of her father.

Being at the bedside of someone we love as that person is dying is a privilege we don’t all get to share. That death may be sudden or circumstances may prohibit us from being there to say goodbye. The emotions from the opportunity to say goodbye or the inability to say goodbye will most likely remain with us the rest of our lives. I had the privilege to say goodbye, and it is an important part of my memories and life.

I was living in Atlanta, where I worked as a house manager/nurse, when I received a call from my father. At age 87, he was residing in a nursing home in Massachusetts. He begged and pleaded with me not to leave him there. He hated it and wondered if I could come get him and take him home with me. I couldn’t ignore his pleas and made arrangements to bring him home to live with me and my family.

He arrived at my home on a Saturday. It was extremely upsetting to see how he was suffering with an intense level of pain. As soon as possible on Monday, I was able to get an appointment for him to see a doctor. I carried him from the car to the office and examining room.

I was not prepared for what I was told. The nursing home had given me no information about his condition or the care he needed. Now, I was told that he was dying. The doctor recommended that he be placed in hospice care as soon as possible. Hospice personnel came to my house that same day.

Over the next two days, I cared for my father. His suffering was eased, and he was able to rest without the intense pain. As he rested, I reminisced with him about the good times we had shared. Towards the end he slipped into semi-consciousness. He died on Wednesday while I was alone with him. He died in my arms.

I was so blessed that I was able to be with him and that he was where he wanted to be. Even with the grief of his dying, I was consoled by the memories of those two days together. I still feel those blessings today when I think of my father.

I believe it was that experience and memories that helped me to have the ability several years later to work as a nurse on an in-patient hospice unit. I was blessed by the privilege of being at the bedside with families as they said goodbye. Now retired, I look back on those nursing days and think again of how grateful I am that I, too, was one of those who was able to say goodbye.